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Taco Files

Recent Posts

How to Make Tacos Like a Motherfucking God of War (1/27/2015) -   This month, I was initiated into the sacred rites of the Holy Taco Church. I’ll never forget the sacred feeling in the nave as the TacoPope raised his hand in benediction. I remember the chants of Arriba! Arriba! The smoky smell of Chipotle salsa, the chill chunks of the baptismal Pico de Gallo sluicing […]
Challenge Accepted: Jaye’s Taco Salad (1/26/2015) - A couple of weeks ago, the Taco Pope issued a challenge. I’m not sure why he keeps trying to create schisms in the church, but rest assured Reverend Mother Taco Supreme is not one to back down from a dare. The problem is, he didn’t say exactly what the challenge was. Did he want me […]
Deep in the Dark Dungeon of the Dreaded Diet (1/23/2015) - Few among us can survive the temptations of our culinary calling without retaining the “Devil’s Baggage” that our foods come with. Unlike other sacred callings, to be a Holy Taco acolyte or, in the case of myself, one of the Valumminati, we must, by the nature of our order, “eat our own dog food”, so […]
Baked Black Bean Quesadillas (1/22/2015) - When I was in college living in the dorms, my favorite food at the cafeteria was black bean quesadillas.  The cooks used Monterey Jack cheese, and something about the creamy smoothness of the cheese with the heartiness of the black beans — it was like an awesome sideways step over from the familiar cheddar-and-refried-bean versions […]
BECAUSE SKULLS. And an Eterna Files Excerpt (1/15/2015) - Hello Tacophiles! I haven’t been gastronomically adventurous of late, because I’ve been working 5 freelance jobs while trying to write 2 books at the same time. *mad laugh* So it’s a lot of from-the-freezer food and the closest thing to tacos I’ve had lately is making lots of little quesadillas in the microwave with just […]
Smoke Thou Thy Brisket (1/14/2015) - Tacopope’s Note: Please enjoy this epic guest post by celebrated author Robert Jackson Bennett, whose CITY OF STAIRS was one of my favorites of 2014! I can’t wait to try this—I’ve always been too scared to attempt such a big project but luckily you are allowed to drink beer while doing it so I’m totally down now! […]
30-Minute Chicken Enchiladas (1/12/2015) - Note from the Tacopope: Please welcome author Michael J. Martinez with a glorious guest post! I’ll be making this recipe this week, methinks! They weren’t leaving. It was 11 a.m., and our houseguests from the night before were lounging out on the patio on a warm summer day, chatting amongst themselves and generally having a great time. […]
I CHALLENGE YOU (1/6/2015) - It’s the first week of 2015 (OH MY GOSH, YOU DIDN’T KNOW THAT? GO TO WORK! YOU’RE IN SO MUCH TROUBLE!), and that means that everyone on the internets is issuing and accepting challenges. And I would be totally sick of it if I didn’t have a challenge for you. Here it is: I mean, […]
Butternut Squash & Chickpea Tacos to Fill Your Belly (1/6/2015) - It’s the New Year and a lot of folks are giving resolutions a go. Here at the Holy Taco Church, we’re all about indulgence but we also want our beloved parishioners to not die. So healthy is a good thing. Delicious and healthy food? Even better. Therefore, I present to you a tasty vegetarian filly […]
Healthy* Taco Pie! (1/5/2015) - You like tacos. You like pie. SO YOU WILL LOVE TACO PIE. People who read medical headlines or take a nutrition course in high school sometimes object to delicious food for health reasons. They’re like DUDE, I KNOW PIE IS RAD BUT IT WILL KILL THEE DEAD. They say the same thing about a half-pound of melted […]
A Special Dispensation for 2015 (1/1/2015) - Friends, this is a special day: For lo this is the first day of the year 2015. And so I’m going to break with tradition for just a moment and talk, not about food, but about the future. Shhh, we’ll only be serious for like five minutes, I swear it. You may have made resolutions for […]
The Most Wonderful Time of the Year (12/25/2014) - Yes, I am one of those people who likes the holiday season. I’m a Yule person myself, but really, multiple holidays this time of year just mean more time to celebrate. One of the things that makes the holidays great? All the food that only comes out this time of year. All the fancy cooking […]
Christmas Picadillo (12/17/2014) - I come from a rather large family. On my mother’s side, there are six siblings. On my father’s, there are five. Yes, we’re Catholic. How’d you guess? Anyway, because we usually have no less than thirty people at any holiday gathering, we do lots of pot lucks of various themes. But for Christmas, the menu […]
Googling Victorian Tacos Does Not Help Your Cause (12/11/2014) - Dear Congregation, In a desperate attempt to tie in the work of my latest ETERNA FILES novel to the theme of the Holy Taco Church, as when I get into the throes of deadline-hell with my Gothic Victorian Fantasy novels I try to make everything in my life have something to do with the 19th […]
Karina's Fish Tacos How To (Properly) Eat a Taco (12/10/2014) - Everyone talks about it. Everyone’s even doing it. It’s the kind of thing you can do by yourself. Or with a partner. Maybe even a group of pals. Nobody’s judging. Everyone’s doing it, and you can do it, too. Yes, Virginia, you can eat a taco from both ends without causing a mess. Buckle down, babies. It’s going to get […]
Fa-la-la-la-latkes (12/4/2014) -   It’s December, which means the Holy Taco Church needs to start getting all seasonal up in here. Just one thing: I’m… I’m Jewish. I mean, I’m a Tacolyte AND Jewish. (Don’t tell the Tacopope! I don’t wanna be excommunicated!) Most of all y’all celebrate Christmas, which is nice and all. You get, what, cookies? […]
A Sermon on Fudge Inclusiveness, with Five-Minute Spicy Mexican Fudge (12/2/2014) - I am here today to preach about fudge inclusiveness. The world is filled with cruel and judgmental people, the sort who protest while carrying signs that say, “GOD HATES FUDGE.” As High Priestess of Churromancy, I wish to soothe your tormented souls. The Holy Taco Church spreads a gospel of love and salsa. We do […]
Feeling Your Oats (12/1/2014) - I think Instant Oatmeal is like that Quaker Oats guy on Cialis: He’s ready to go when you are. Just add boiling water when the time is right. But ask your doctor if your heart is healthy enough for a randy oatmeal man in a claw-foot bathtub. Thing is, my non-medical label reading tells me that you […]
My Very Favorite Traditional Thanksgiving Food of All Time Forever and Ever Amen (11/27/2014) - Happy Thanksgiving, everyone!  As you read this, I am very like making enchiladas, because I convinced my family that they wanted to eat enchiladas for Thanksgiving this year.  Viva la Revolucion! That doesn’t mean I don’t appreciate a good traditional turkey dinner every year or so.  With all the fixings and sides and trappings and […]
Notta Taco: Or, the best balls you’ll ever put in your mouth (11/26/2014) - **This is an archived post from my own website but I had to resurrect it for a new audience because my balls ARE THAT GOOD** Hey folks! Today I’m going to share with you one of my favorite (and easiest to prepare) hors d’oeuvres. I have a theory that the best food in the world […]

Church Authors

About

Writing books is hungry work—ask any author who needs to eat. And in the middle of a 5K-word sprint you can get such a hankering for tacos and margaritas that it becomes a religious experience. Revelations can occur. Passages of holy writ just happen. Like this one from the Taco Bible:

from The Taco Bible, Book of Ingredients

 

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FAQs

 Are you a real church?

We are not a church in the tax-exempt sense; we don’t have a choir, organist, or a guilt trip to lay on you, and our altar is the local taco stand. But we are a fellowship of authors who like to get together and talk about stuff we love—in this case, food, drink, and books.

If I join your church will I get in trouble with the one I’m already in?

We really doubt it. For one thing, we’re not going to tell anybody. For another, the Tacolord and Margarita of the Salted Rim don’t require your faith or your worship—they are going to do their thing regardless—so you don’t have to worry about making your current god(s) jealous.

What does the Holy Taco Church think of LGBT marriage?

We hope we’re invited to the wedding and there will be tacos and margaritas at the reception. And churro cupcakes with candied bacon on top. Aww yeah. Because love is rad, people, and we’re all in the same tortilla together.

What is your stance on burritos/tapas/enchiladas/churros/beer/anything else at all? Aren’t they superior foods/beverages?

We like them very much and consume them often. We are not the sort of people to say ours is the one true way or pick a fight over what tastes best. We think you should put whatever you want in your taco, you know? The only thing we fight about is whose turn it is to be the designated driver. Because we ALWAYS need a designated driver even though we all want tasty beverages. Seriously, friends: You gotta be responsible when chilling with Lady Margarita.

How does the Holy Taco Church believe the world was created?

Fuck if we know, we weren’t there. But we’re here now and it’s Taco Tuesday! Or it will be in 1-6 days! We’re going out for the cochinita pibil.

 

 

 

 

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Sermons

  • Fill Your Taco With Love

    Here in the Holy Taco Church we are fond of looking at our lives like a taco. When the teeth of the Tacolord crunch down and he eats you (as he eats everything in the universe), will your taco—that is to say, your life— be delicious? How can you make sure that it is? There’s an easy […]

    May 24, 2014 by: