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Taco Files

Recent Posts

Christmas Picadillo (12/17/2014) - I come from a rather large family. On my mother’s side, there are six siblings. On my father’s, there are five. Yes, we’re Catholic. How’d you guess? Anyway, because we usually have no less than thirty people at any holiday gathering, we do lots of pot lucks of various themes. But for Christmas, the menu […]
Googling Victorian Tacos Does Not Help Your Cause (12/11/2014) - Dear Congregation, In a desperate attempt to tie in the work of my latest ETERNA FILES novel to the theme of the Holy Taco Church, as when I get into the throes of deadline-hell with my Gothic Victorian Fantasy novels I try to make everything in my life have something to do with the 19th […]
Karina's Fish Tacos How To (Properly) Eat a Taco (12/10/2014) - Everyone talks about it. Everyone’s even doing it. It’s the kind of thing you can do by yourself. Or with a partner. Maybe even a group of pals. Nobody’s judging. Everyone’s doing it, and you can do it, too. Yes, Virginia, you can eat a taco from both ends without causing a mess. Buckle down, babies. It’s going to get […]
Fa-la-la-la-latkes (12/4/2014) -   It’s December, which means the Holy Taco Church needs to start getting all seasonal up in here. Just one thing: I’m… I’m Jewish. I mean, I’m a Tacolyte AND Jewish. (Don’t tell the Tacopope! I don’t wanna be excommunicated!) Most of all y’all celebrate Christmas, which is nice and all. You get, what, cookies? […]
A Sermon on Fudge Inclusiveness, with Five-Minute Spicy Mexican Fudge (12/2/2014) - I am here today to preach about fudge inclusiveness. The world is filled with cruel and judgmental people, the sort who protest while carrying signs that say, “GOD HATES FUDGE.” As High Priestess of Churromancy, I wish to soothe your tormented souls. The Holy Taco Church spreads a gospel of love and salsa. We do […]
Feeling Your Oats (12/1/2014) - I think Instant Oatmeal is like that Quaker Oats guy on Cialis: He’s ready to go when you are. Just add boiling water when the time is right. But ask your doctor if your heart is healthy enough for a randy oatmeal man in a claw-foot bathtub. Thing is, my non-medical label reading tells me that you […]
My Very Favorite Traditional Thanksgiving Food of All Time Forever and Ever Amen (11/27/2014) - Happy Thanksgiving, everyone!  As you read this, I am very like making enchiladas, because I convinced my family that they wanted to eat enchiladas for Thanksgiving this year.  Viva la Revolucion! That doesn’t mean I don’t appreciate a good traditional turkey dinner every year or so.  With all the fixings and sides and trappings and […]
Notta Taco: Or, the best balls you’ll ever put in your mouth (11/26/2014) - **This is an archived post from my own website but I had to resurrect it for a new audience because my balls ARE THAT GOOD** Hey folks! Today I’m going to share with you one of my favorite (and easiest to prepare) hors d’oeuvres. I have a theory that the best food in the world […]
Jaye’s Chowdah (11/21/2014) - I was a bad Sister Supreme this week and forgot to post on Wednesday. To make up for it, I’m sharing my super delicious recipe for some delicious as hell potato, leek, and corn chowder. Also, I don’t have any pictures because this stuff never lasts long enough in my house to capture an image. […]
C Food Tacos (11/11/2014) - Not to toot my own horn or anything, but I think I’ve created a taco worthy of the infamous Taco Guild in Phoenix, AZ. Seriously, these are fraking delicious.  And while the name and ingredients might imply some kind of clever original idea that panned out once tasted, reality is exactly the opposite.  It was […]
How to Paint a Rad Sugar Skull (even if you’re not an artist/are currently drunk) (11/11/2014) - Whether you’ve been a skull aficionado since you were a small, creepy child (like me!) or fell in love with the visuals of The Book of Life recently, I can teach you how to paint an adorable sugar skull using even the crappiest kids’ art supplies. Just consider me your own personal Sip n’ Stroke. […]
Chicken Apple Sausage All Homemade n’ Stuff (11/7/2014) - For some reason people have this existential dread about making their own sausage. Or maybe that was just me for 40 years. But I did it and it wasn’t ANYTHING like The Demon Barber of Fleet Street or a video of screaming goats, and if you do it yourself you can tell all those Federal regulations […]
Bacon Bourbon Fudge (11/6/2014) - My friends, I am here at the Holy Taco Church because of one thing, and one thing alone: fudge. This is not a euphemism. In the summer of 2013, I ventured to San Antonio for WorldCon. I knew only three people who would be there, and I was worried about how to make a good […]
HOLY CHEESES! Chili Lime Mozzarella Sticks (11/4/2014) - Hot, melted cheese is one of the finest things in life. Add some flavor oomph and you have the perfect yummyness to stuff in your face during a football or hockey game (Go Coyotes!) or to serve up for a holiday party or to simply make because it’s MELTED CHEESE and it tastes awesome. I […]
5 Ways Writers Are Like Burritos. (10/29/2014) - For Taco Tuesday yesterday, I made this recipe from The Pioneer Woman. It was absolutely delicious and super easy. But while I was making it, I kept thinking about how writers are just like burritos. And here’s how: 1) Authors have layers… Just like a good burrito, an author has layers. Some of them are […]
The French Friar Frys (10/28/2014) - Do you know what the French Friar is afraid of? That is, besides a tortilla shortage? The French Friar is afraid of all sorts of bugs, slimy things, and mushrooms. To the Friar, they are the Axis of Evil. Therefore, in the spirit of Halloween, the French Friar has decided to conquer one of those […]
TACOS OF TERROR (10/27/2014) - Back when I was broke, I mean broker than I am now, my dietary choices were driven by whatever was on the local fast-food joint value menu. Sure, there was revulsion, the self-awareness of my own terrible choices, the expanding waistline and incipient decay of my own failing body. But just as ancient man looked […]
The post in which I LEAP upon the stage: (10/23/2014) - One day, the Holy Tacopope himself sat me down and somberly asked, “Have you accepted the Holy Taco into your heart as your personal savory?” Well, that wasn’t exactly what he asked, but it was close. And yea, a light shone down, and a choir of angelic voices sang out, “YUM!” My path forward was […]
Pilgrimage to the Arizona Taco Festival: Report from the High Priestess of Churromancy (10/21/2014) - When someone asks if you’re a god, you say, “Yes.” When someone invites you to a day overflowing with tacos and alcohol in return for a write-up, you say, “YES OH YES. PLEASE.” The Arizona Taco Festival took place the weekend of October 18th and 19th at the Salt River Baseball Fields in Scottsdale, Arizona. […]
Hippie Tortillas (10/15/2014) - Writers aren’t known as the healthiest people. We sit around a lot. We overeat and overdrink to counteract deadline stress. Few of us are athletic in any way, which, let’s face it,  is sort of why many of us ended up writers in the first place. Suffice it to say, weight issues also plague a […]

Church Authors

About

Writing books is hungry work—ask any author who needs to eat. And in the middle of a 5K-word sprint you can get such a hankering for tacos and margaritas that it becomes a religious experience. Revelations can occur. Passages of holy writ just happen. Like this one from the Taco Bible:

from The Taco Bible, Book of Ingredients

 

Screen Shot 2014-04-18 at 6.35.27 PM

FAQs

 Are you a real church?

We are not a church in the tax-exempt sense; we don’t have a choir, organist, or a guilt trip to lay on you, and our altar is the local taco stand. But we are a fellowship of authors who like to get together and talk about stuff we love—in this case, food, drink, and books.

If I join your church will I get in trouble with the one I’m already in?

We really doubt it. For one thing, we’re not going to tell anybody. For another, the Tacolord and Margarita of the Salted Rim don’t require your faith or your worship—they are going to do their thing regardless—so you don’t have to worry about making your current god(s) jealous.

What does the Holy Taco Church think of LGBT marriage?

We hope we’re invited to the wedding and there will be tacos and margaritas at the reception. And churro cupcakes with candied bacon on top. Aww yeah. Because love is rad, people, and we’re all in the same tortilla together.

What is your stance on burritos/tapas/enchiladas/churros/beer/anything else at all? Aren’t they superior foods/beverages?

We like them very much and consume them often. We are not the sort of people to say ours is the one true way or pick a fight over what tastes best. We think you should put whatever you want in your taco, you know? The only thing we fight about is whose turn it is to be the designated driver. Because we ALWAYS need a designated driver even though we all want tasty beverages. Seriously, friends: You gotta be responsible when chilling with Lady Margarita.

How does the Holy Taco Church believe the world was created?

Fuck if we know, we weren’t there. But we’re here now and it’s Taco Tuesday! Or it will be in 1-6 days! We’re going out for the cochinita pibil.

 

 

 

 

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Sermons

  • Fill Your Taco With Love

    Here in the Holy Taco Church we are fond of looking at our lives like a taco. When the teeth of the Tacolord crunch down and he eats you (as he eats everything in the universe), will your taco—that is to say, your life— be delicious? How can you make sure that it is? There’s an easy […]

    May 24, 2014 by: