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Taco Files

Recent Posts

The Violet Margarita (2/26/2015) - Lots of people claim to have THE margarita recipe. They brag that they have the best margarita, that their margaritas are magnifico and all others are less than adequate. I know better than to enter into that fray. I make an adequate margarita, and that’s just fine. The most important thing: fresh ingredients. If you’ve […]
PUNCH YO’ MAMA OUT (2/25/2015) - So I love punch. It’s kind of my thing. I have this fuck off enormous punch bowl and I love to fill it and have friends over and stick cheese and booze down their throats. WHICH IS MY IDEA OF A PARTY MMMKAY? At the start of this winter (this wretched, wretched winter that will […]
An Ode to Cilantro (2/18/2015) - Since I had a book (Deadly Spells) launch last week I haven’t been doing a lot of cooking. So I find myself coming here today without an exciting new dish to share with you. Mea culpa, my doves. Instead, I thought I’d talk about cilantro, that wonderful herb that adds its amazing flavor to so […]
Vegetable Chowder So Easy Even I Can Do It (2/12/2015) - Hello, tacolytes! I apologize for the delay on this, but you see, I spent this entire week believing I was one day behind—today, it turns out, is Thursday, not Wednesday, and all I can think is that I lost a day. Eddy’s in the space/time continuum, see, and it’s goobered up my brain. I also […]
Spicy Roasted Chickpeas (2/5/2015) - Shhhh, let me tell you a secret: I… don’t have much of a sweet tooth. You can keep your chocolate and your cakes or whatever. Me, I’m a savory snacker. Give me my salt and vinegar chips, my cheddar scones, my baked brie and pear in phyllo. Mmmmmmmmmmm. Soooo goooooood. But these things are also […]
Two Words: Fried Cow (2/4/2015) - Vaca frita. Means: “fried cow.” Fried cow. Fried cow. Fried. Cow. Recipe: TAKE ONE COW. ROLL UP COW IN BALL. DUNK COW-SPHERE IN HOT PEANUT OIL. EAT. Okay, maybe not. Here is what you do, intrepid carnivore. I want you to go to the store. Buy one-and-a-half pounds of flank steak. Okay? And while you’re […]
Salted Dulce de Leche Fudge Loves You (2/3/2015) - Life might really suck. But don’t worry. Salted Dulce de Leche Fudge loves you. It doesn’t judge. It doesn’t tease you, or hack up hairballs on your favorite rug, or cut you off on the freeway. Its creation is fairly peaceful, too. This fudge is super easy. It comes together in just a few minutes […]
The Tacopope’s Favorite FrouFrou Drink (2/2/2015) - Sometimes you ain’t down for a margarita because of that one time you vomited tequila for a week. Sometimes you ain’t down for a beer because GLUTEN, and sometimes you can’t do wine because damn if your palate will ever be developed enough to taste the mulberry-coffee-spiced-anise-gillyweed notes or whatever. Sometimes you simply want something […]
How to Make Tacos Like a Motherfucking God of War (1/27/2015) -   This month, I was initiated into the sacred rites of the Holy Taco Church. I’ll never forget the sacred feeling in the nave as the TacoPope raised his hand in benediction. I remember the chants of Arriba! Arriba! The smoky smell of Chipotle salsa, the chill chunks of the baptismal Pico de Gallo sluicing […]
Challenge Accepted: Jaye’s Taco Salad (1/26/2015) - A couple of weeks ago, the Taco Pope issued a challenge. I’m not sure why he keeps trying to create schisms in the church, but rest assured Reverend Mother Taco Supreme is not one to back down from a dare. The problem is, he didn’t say exactly what the challenge was. Did he want me […]
Deep in the Dark Dungeon of the Dreaded Diet (1/23/2015) - Few among us can survive the temptations of our culinary calling without retaining the “Devil’s Baggage” that our foods come with. Unlike other sacred callings, to be a Holy Taco acolyte or, in the case of myself, one of the Valumminati, we must, by the nature of our order, “eat our own dog food”, so […]
Baked Black Bean Quesadillas (1/22/2015) - When I was in college living in the dorms, my favorite food at the cafeteria was black bean quesadillas.  The cooks used Monterey Jack cheese, and something about the creamy smoothness of the cheese with the heartiness of the black beans — it was like an awesome sideways step over from the familiar cheddar-and-refried-bean versions […]
BECAUSE SKULLS. And an Eterna Files Excerpt (1/15/2015) - Hello Tacophiles! I haven’t been gastronomically adventurous of late, because I’ve been working 5 freelance jobs while trying to write 2 books at the same time. *mad laugh* So it’s a lot of from-the-freezer food and the closest thing to tacos I’ve had lately is making lots of little quesadillas in the microwave with just […]
Smoke Thou Thy Brisket (1/14/2015) - Tacopope’s Note: Please enjoy this epic guest post by celebrated author Robert Jackson Bennett, whose CITY OF STAIRS was one of my favorites of 2014! I can’t wait to try this—I’ve always been too scared to attempt such a big project but luckily you are allowed to drink beer while doing it so I’m totally down now! […]
30-Minute Chicken Enchiladas (1/12/2015) - Note from the Tacopope: Please welcome author Michael J. Martinez with a glorious guest post! I’ll be making this recipe this week, methinks! They weren’t leaving. It was 11 a.m., and our houseguests from the night before were lounging out on the patio on a warm summer day, chatting amongst themselves and generally having a great time. […]
I CHALLENGE YOU (1/6/2015) - It’s the first week of 2015 (OH MY GOSH, YOU DIDN’T KNOW THAT? GO TO WORK! YOU’RE IN SO MUCH TROUBLE!), and that means that everyone on the internets is issuing and accepting challenges. And I would be totally sick of it if I didn’t have a challenge for you. Here it is: I mean, […]
Butternut Squash & Chickpea Tacos to Fill Your Belly (1/6/2015) - It’s the New Year and a lot of folks are giving resolutions a go. Here at the Holy Taco Church, we’re all about indulgence but we also want our beloved parishioners to not die. So healthy is a good thing. Delicious and healthy food? Even better. Therefore, I present to you a tasty vegetarian filly […]
Healthy* Taco Pie! (1/5/2015) - You like tacos. You like pie. SO YOU WILL LOVE TACO PIE. People who read medical headlines or take a nutrition course in high school sometimes object to delicious food for health reasons. They’re like DUDE, I KNOW PIE IS RAD BUT IT WILL KILL THEE DEAD. They say the same thing about a half-pound of melted […]
A Special Dispensation for 2015 (1/1/2015) - Friends, this is a special day: For lo this is the first day of the year 2015. And so I’m going to break with tradition for just a moment and talk, not about food, but about the future. Shhh, we’ll only be serious for like five minutes, I swear it. You may have made resolutions for […]
The Most Wonderful Time of the Year (12/25/2014) - Yes, I am one of those people who likes the holiday season. I’m a Yule person myself, but really, multiple holidays this time of year just mean more time to celebrate. One of the things that makes the holidays great? All the food that only comes out this time of year. All the fancy cooking […]

Church Authors

About

Writing books is hungry work—ask any author who needs to eat. And in the middle of a 5K-word sprint you can get such a hankering for tacos and margaritas that it becomes a religious experience. Revelations can occur. Passages of holy writ just happen. Like this one from the Taco Bible:

from The Taco Bible, Book of Ingredients

 

Screen Shot 2014-04-18 at 6.35.27 PM

FAQs

 Are you a real church?

We are not a church in the tax-exempt sense; we don’t have a choir, organist, or a guilt trip to lay on you, and our altar is the local taco stand. But we are a fellowship of authors who like to get together and talk about stuff we love—in this case, food, drink, and books.

If I join your church will I get in trouble with the one I’m already in?

We really doubt it. For one thing, we’re not going to tell anybody. For another, the Tacolord and Margarita of the Salted Rim don’t require your faith or your worship—they are going to do their thing regardless—so you don’t have to worry about making your current god(s) jealous.

What does the Holy Taco Church think of LGBT marriage?

We hope we’re invited to the wedding and there will be tacos and margaritas at the reception. And churro cupcakes with candied bacon on top. Aww yeah. Because love is rad, people, and we’re all in the same tortilla together.

What is your stance on burritos/tapas/enchiladas/churros/beer/anything else at all? Aren’t they superior foods/beverages?

We like them very much and consume them often. We are not the sort of people to say ours is the one true way or pick a fight over what tastes best. We think you should put whatever you want in your taco, you know? The only thing we fight about is whose turn it is to be the designated driver. Because we ALWAYS need a designated driver even though we all want tasty beverages. Seriously, friends: You gotta be responsible when chilling with Lady Margarita.

How does the Holy Taco Church believe the world was created?

Fuck if we know, we weren’t there. But we’re here now and it’s Taco Tuesday! Or it will be in 1-6 days! We’re going out for the cochinita pibil.

 

 

 

 

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Sermons

  • Fill Your Taco With Love

    Here in the Holy Taco Church we are fond of looking at our lives like a taco. When the teeth of the Tacolord crunch down and he eats you (as he eats everything in the universe), will your taco—that is to say, your life— be delicious? How can you make sure that it is? There’s an easy […]

    May 24, 2014 by: