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Taco Files

Recent Posts

Margarita Punch: Or, What Happened to my Bottoms? (7/23/2014) - I’m not going to lie: this punch is evil. And by evil, I mean delicious. Until you’re lying on your bedroom floor naked except for one strategically placed shoe and a makeshift unicorn horn made out of a paper towel roll. In other words, it’s perfect for every occasion! Here is the recipe! Two 12-oz […]
So I Was Originally Going To Set This Shit On Fire (7/21/2014) - I love me some tiki. Part of this is the kitsch factor. But more is that I’m Hawaiian on my dad’s side and it seems sometimes like I’m related to half the Islands. I was on Kauai one time talking to some random guy and it turns out he’s like a cousin three times removed […]
How to Get a Fish Taco at Pacific Beach Fish Shop (7/17/2014) - San Diego is mostly known for fish tacos, but they’re certainly not our only local cuisine of note. There’s also the California burrito, carne asada fries, and a really excellent and vibrant craft beer culture. But the fish tacos are kinda the THING around here. Your options for fish tacos include taco shops, taco trucks, seafood restaurants, and combination […]
Hot Jam! (7/16/2014) - Today, I’m going to share one of my favorite recipes. My Hot Jam! is awesome for a lot of reasons. First, it’s both spicy and sweet, which makes your mouth happy. Second, it’s pretty easy to make, but when you give it to people as gifts they think you’re a culinary wizard. Third, it’s cheap […]
Quick and Easy Enchiladas (7/15/2014) - Gather ’round children of the Church, and I will tell you of a recipe passed down a whole generation from my mother-in-law to my wife. And then altered by her sister so that it would be easier to make with five children in the house. I’ll hear no complaints that this isn’t “fresh” or “the […]
The Quest For Fire: Carlsbad Tavern (7/14/2014) - My grandfather was an interesting man.  A notable Hispanic rights activist, dutiful husband and father and stalwart Senator, his first and truest passion was for cooking.  Being Mexican himself, he loved nothing more than making foods that sent Midwesterners fleeing from the kitchen in terror.  And while he departed too soon, he left me a […]
Behold the Paleo Taco Casserole (7/11/2014) - Warning: Yours might not look this sexy. It’s a picture of a slightly different recipe. Tacopope Note: This is a Holy Taco guest post by Sara Walker. Many thanks to Sara for contributing! We are sure her life will be delicious in the sight of the Tacolord. I am a Paleo Sinner, and this is […]
When Next in NYC: Eat at La Tortaria (7/10/2014) - Greetings Taco Peeps! Leanna Renee Hieber here, historical fantasy author, actress, Goth girl, vegetarian, all around crazy lady. I’m currently at work on 3 different novels at the same time. *Twitch* I am not cooking much these days. No time. No energy. I live in New York City. The city is delicious. I had some […]
The Best Blessed Fish Tacos You Never Knew You Could Make (7/9/2014) - All right, taco templarites, enough with the preaching! It’s time to roll up our sleeves and wade into the taco crusades! We’re gonna rock out with our, um, taco out, and we’re starting first with fish tacos so good, I can evenfeed them to people who don’t usually like fish. This recipe is gluten-free in theory, but as always, […]
Tortillas of Righteousness (7/7/2014) - Hello again, Tacolytes! Gather ’round and let me tell you a great secrets of the world: Tortillas, it turns out, are about as easy to make as pancakes. You can do this, and I’m here to tell you how. “But James,” you say, “I can get tortillas at the grocery! And they taste fine! Why go through this pain […]
The Miracle of the Nine-Day Sangria (7/3/2014) - Gather around, my children, to hear a tale of the mercy and glory of the Tacolord, and of the shining grace of the Lady Margarita in all her moods and forms. You haven’t seen me before. Last month, when we first began the Holy Taco Church, I prepared sangria for my debut post. Sangria, meaning […]
Tequila Slaw (Or, “Why All Your Food Should Contain Tequila”) (7/2/2014) - The answer to why all food should contain tequila is: because tequila. YOUR MOUTH SHOULD IN FACT CONTAIN TEQUILA RIGHT NOW. Mine does. *gargles* *gargles a lot* *naps* WUZZA. Who are you people? Oh! Oh. Right. You are here to receive a recipe. Fine, jeez, whatever. Tequila slaw. Let’s do this. Here’s the thing: slaw […]
TACOROTICA, Chapter 1: In Which Our Lady of Salted Rims Meets the Churromaster (7/1/2014) -   The salsa at the dive bar was hot, but Rita was hotter. Poured into a glittering lime green minidress and glistening with sweat, she ran a finger around the rim of her jalapeno margarita, eyes stuck on the open door like a cherry speared on a toothpick. A crooked ceiling fan lifted dark curls off […]
Communion Wafers AKA Stuffed Churro Nuggets (7/1/2014) - In June, quite a few of my brothers and sisters in the Holy Taco Church made the pilgrimage to Phoenix Comicon. On Comicon Eve, many of us gathered at a (formerly) sanctified restaurant known as the Taco Guild. It’s located in an old church. The stained glass and ambiance are still intact, along with beers […]
Tacos in Portlandia (6/30/2014) - Whilst on tour for SHATTERED, it behooved me as Tacopope to sample the taco delights of the nation. Once I got off the plane in Houston, Lexington, Minneapolis, Seattle, and Portland, I asked for tacos right away. And I got them everywhere except in Minneapolis, where they gave me deep dish pizza instead and said, “It’s like a taco […]
Chicken and sweet pertaters for the junior tacolytes! (6/29/2014) - Hullo, tacolytes! I’m late with my post because I’ve been meditating on the vast spiritual awareness of the Deadline. Upon completing my meditation I then had to ponder the great mystery of “What the hell I was thinking when I agreed to be part of a food-centric blog?” You see, I’m not a foodie. Sure, […]
THOSE DAMNED NOODLES (6/26/2014) - Hello, my  flock of delicious tortas, this is the French Friar. I am here to absolve you of your taco sins. Today, we shall perform Taco Church missionary work to cuisine far away from the burrito motherland. Over the narrow flat ocean to the panda lands of the dual stick-wielding heathens, the French Friar ventured […]
The Agony and the Ecstasy of Tito’s Tacos (6/23/2014) - L.A.. Tacos. The two go together like Hollywood and the shattered dreams of Kansas ingenues. They’re all over the place. Taco restaurants, taco stands, taco trucks. Oh god, so many taco trucks. In strip malls and parking lots. With bright neon signage, or hand-lettered on a stucco wall. We got ‘em from the Valley to […]
How to Get a Taco in San Diego (6/19/2014) - Here’s how to get a taco in San Diego. 1. Find a parking lot with a taco truck. This shouldn’t take long. I like seafood tacos, so I look for one that says “Mariscos” on it. Mariscos is Spanish for seafood. That’s how easy this is. The one we’re visiting today happens to be Mariscos Nine […]
Jaye’s Drunk Cherries (6/18/2014) - Let’s get one thing straight from the beginning: I like bourbon. More specifically, I like bourbon in a good Old Fashioned.   The first time I tried an Old Fashioned was at a bar in Vegas called, appropriately, Bourbon Bar. It’s in the Venetian. In addition to specializing in delicious drinks, they also had a […]

Church Authors

About

Writing books is hungry work—ask any author who needs to eat. And in the middle of a 5K-word sprint you can get such a hankering for tacos and margaritas that it becomes a religious experience. Revelations can occur. Passages of holy writ just happen. Like this one from the Taco Bible:

from The Taco Bible, Book of Ingredients

 

Screen Shot 2014-04-18 at 6.35.27 PM

FAQs

 Are you a real church?

We are not a church in the tax-exempt sense; we don’t have a choir, organist, or a guilt trip to lay on you, and our altar is the local taco stand. But we are a fellowship of authors who like to get together and talk about stuff we love—in this case, food, drink, and books.

If I join your church will I get in trouble with the one I’m already in?

We really doubt it. For one thing, we’re not going to tell anybody. For another, the Tacolord and Margarita of the Salted Rim don’t require your faith or your worship—they are going to do their thing regardless—so you don’t have to worry about making your current god(s) jealous.

What does the Holy Taco Church think of LGBT marriage?

We hope we’re invited to the wedding and there will be tacos and margaritas at the reception. And churro cupcakes with candied bacon on top. Aww yeah. Because love is rad, people, and we’re all in the same tortilla together.

What is your stance on burritos/tapas/enchiladas/churros/beer/anything else at all? Aren’t they superior foods/beverages?

We like them very much and consume them often. We are not the sort of people to say ours is the one true way or pick a fight over what tastes best. We think you should put whatever you want in your taco, you know? The only thing we fight about is whose turn it is to be the designated driver. Because we ALWAYS need a designated driver even though we all want tasty beverages. Seriously, friends: You gotta be responsible when chilling with Lady Margarita.

How does the Holy Taco Church believe the world was created?

Fuck if we know, we weren’t there. But we’re here now and it’s Taco Tuesday! Or it will be in 1-6 days! We’re going out for the cochinita pibil.

 

 

 

 

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Sermons

  • Fill Your Taco With Love

    Here in the Holy Taco Church we are fond of looking at our lives like a taco. When the teeth of the Tacolord crunch down and he eats you (as he eats everything in the universe), will your taco—that is to say, your life— be delicious? How can you make sure that it is? There’s an easy […]

    May 24, 2014 by: