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Taco Files

Recent Posts

Pilgrimage to the Arizona Taco Festival: Report from the High Priestess of Churromancy (10/21/2014) - When someone asks if you’re a god, you say, “Yes.” When someone invites you to a day overflowing with tacos and alcohol in return for a write-up, you say, “YES OH YES. PLEASE.” The Arizona Taco Festival took place the weekend of October 18th and 19th at the Salt River Baseball Fields in Scottsdale, Arizona. […]
Hippie Tortillas (10/15/2014) - Writers aren’t known as the healthiest people. We sit around a lot. We overeat and overdrink to counteract deadline stress. Few of us are athletic in any way, which, let’s face it,  is sort of why many of us ended up writers in the first place. Suffice it to say, weight issues also plague a […]
The TACOROTICA Cookbook, Chapter 1: SLOW-CARB LETTUCE TACOS OF LUST (10/14/2014) - Rita was ready. “Teach me, Eduardo. My hands are open, my mouth hungry, a fire burning in my middle.” Eduardo smiled and licked his lips. “Oh, I will teach you, my beauty. But be ready. Things are about to get hot. And dangerous.” “I like to play with fire,” Rita said, fanning herself with a […]
El Delicioso Taqueria & Pupuseria, Everett WA – Review (10/13/2014) - On the way to the library the other day I spotted this place and decided to give it a try. It’s truly a hole in the wall, sandwiched between two other stores with roughly half the width its neighbors enjoy. No matter, there were seats available and the OPEN sign was lit.  Good enough! The […]
Dancing with your Soup and Salsa with fresh Peppers (10/9/2014) - Greetings TacoPhiles! I must confess to you that I’m not really a very good cook. The science of all of it eludes me. Plus, I really don’t have much time for cooking, like, I imagine, many of you. That being said, I live in a vegetarian household so doing creative things with fresh veggies is […]
Lazier Tacos (10/8/2014) - Most of you don’t actually keep up with my goings-on, and why should you? After all, I am but a humble Taco Templar (albeit of Holy Guacamole!), and you, delicious tacolytes, are leading lives of intrinsic nutritious value and caloric intake. In deference to this, I shall make with the TL;DR version: life has been crazy. So […]
Pumpkin Cheesecake Sopapillas (10/7/2014) - If you’re one of those people who hates pumpkin, leave now, you sad, sad person. This recipe is all about gushy pumpkin filling and sugar and cinnamon. Sopapillas by themselves are awesome and totally fall under my domain as a churromancer, so it’s only right to make this seasonal twist. First of all, these things […]
Waffles for SCIENCE (10/6/2014) - Some of the best science in the world is happening RIGHT NOW in The Waffle Lab. And the Waffle Lab is a food truck (or, more accurately, a trailer) parked on the corner of College and Walnut in Ft. Collins, Colorado. It looks like this: Ft. Collins is largely known for its microbreweries and its crunchy […]
This Butternut Squash Soup Will Kick You In Your Butternuts (10/1/2014) - It is now fall. Which means, you’re gonna make some butternut squash soup. You just are. Don’t deny this. Take one butternut squash. Peel it. I used a peeler but you might want to use a pearl-handled straight razor or some other serial killer implement. Peeling a butternut squash is a serious crotch-pain because the […]
El Taco Cubano: or, GIT-O EN MI FACE-O (9/24/2014) - So I am obsessed with Cuban food, and have been ever since I visited my Cuban-Irish friend in Miami my senior year of High School. Her mom greeted me at the door of her house with a plate of picadillo, black beans, and rice, and my life was forever changed. I make a lot of […]
Holy Posole (9/17/2014) - Here at the Holy Taco Church we’re dedicated to offering you the best sacraments for your mouth holes. Part of any good religion–as we’ve learned from history–is diversity of choice. So, even though our Taco Pope posted a posole recipe earlier this week, I am also posting a posole recipe. I am confident my posole […]
Homemade Mild Salsa… OF THE MIND (9/16/2014) - No, no. Not really. This salsa is not of the mind. It’s real. And it’s delicious. It’s also best done in large batches, because it would be way too much work for a single jar. First, the ingredients! 12-14 cups peeled, cored, and chopped tomatoes (about 10 lbs) 4-5 cups seeded, chopped Anaheim peppers (about […]
Quest for Fire: Los Dos Molinos (9/15/2014) - Welcome back, friends of the Taco Church, to another installment of Quest for Fire! For those of you just joining us, this is a monthly feature in which I, Sam Sykes, attempt to eat the hottest food known to man and rank it on a scale of 1 to 10, 1 being a tepid mixture of […]
Green Chile Chicken Posole Like Your Tacopope Used To Make (9/13/2014) - If you’re not familiar with posole (poe-SO-lay, sometimes spelled pozole), I think it’s time you got acquainted. It’s a soup of glorious flavors and textures and as much spice as you want to add, but it always contains hominy. Hominy is nixtamalized corn, also known as BIGASS MAIZE KERNELS, and you can find cans of […]
The Eterna Files exclusive Taco Church COVER REVEAL and giveaway! (9/11/2014) - TACO PEEPS! Actress and Gothic Victorian Fantasy author Leanna Renee Hieber here, offering you, you wonderful congregation of deliciousness you, the first chance to both SEE the spooky Victorian grandeur that is my first book in the Eterna Files saga with Tor Books, read the cover copy, and have a chance to WIN an Advanced Reader […]
World of Warcraft: Alliance The Insidiousness of the Alliance (9/10/2014) - This post is exactly what it sounds like. Unless you think it’s a Firefly reference, in which case you’re wrong. Ha! Fooled you. Okay, my tacolytes, this post is coming at you from the future. Because I am currently in Eastern Washington, a no-man’s zone of limited connectivity, where coyotes know how to use crosswalks and what […]
TACOROTICA, CHAPTER 2: A Sexy, Sexy Visit to The Taco Truck. (9/9/2014) -   Rita took Eduardo’s hand and allowed him to pull her up from her sticky seat, grateful for the breeze that stirred her sweat-soaked loins. “I could eat a taco all night,” she purred, then gave a husky chuckle. “But I really prefer churros for dessert. Long ones, ridged for my pleasure and sprinkled with […]
The Struggle We Face (9/8/2014) - Dear Tacolytes, WARNING: What you are about to see is graphic, terrifying, and as disgusting as finding week-old guacamole under the couch. Now that I’ve got your attention, the power of Jason compels you to view this clip from “Cloudy With a Chance of Meatballs 2″ and then return if you are able:   Hollywood’s […]
You, Too, Can Make Sauce (9/4/2014) - The taco is the perfect symbol of divine love. But sometimes… sometimes you don’t want a taco. We at the Order of the Sacred Frijoles Refritos know this keenly. Sometimes, you want something a little more hearty. Something hot and rib-sticking. Maybe even something… Italian. This is probably not that time for you. And yet […]
Gadzooks! (9/2/2014) - Gadzooks! Enchiladas and Soup is a new place that I keep seeing mentioned on all the best-foods-in-Phoenix type lists. I feel the personal responsibility to vet a taco place that’s earning such kudos. Being in the Holy Taco Church carries onerous burdens sometimes. Gadzooks is in downtown Phoenix, located catty-corner from the acclaimed Taco Guild […]

Church Authors

About

Writing books is hungry work—ask any author who needs to eat. And in the middle of a 5K-word sprint you can get such a hankering for tacos and margaritas that it becomes a religious experience. Revelations can occur. Passages of holy writ just happen. Like this one from the Taco Bible:

from The Taco Bible, Book of Ingredients

 

Screen Shot 2014-04-18 at 6.35.27 PM

FAQs

 Are you a real church?

We are not a church in the tax-exempt sense; we don’t have a choir, organist, or a guilt trip to lay on you, and our altar is the local taco stand. But we are a fellowship of authors who like to get together and talk about stuff we love—in this case, food, drink, and books.

If I join your church will I get in trouble with the one I’m already in?

We really doubt it. For one thing, we’re not going to tell anybody. For another, the Tacolord and Margarita of the Salted Rim don’t require your faith or your worship—they are going to do their thing regardless—so you don’t have to worry about making your current god(s) jealous.

What does the Holy Taco Church think of LGBT marriage?

We hope we’re invited to the wedding and there will be tacos and margaritas at the reception. And churro cupcakes with candied bacon on top. Aww yeah. Because love is rad, people, and we’re all in the same tortilla together.

What is your stance on burritos/tapas/enchiladas/churros/beer/anything else at all? Aren’t they superior foods/beverages?

We like them very much and consume them often. We are not the sort of people to say ours is the one true way or pick a fight over what tastes best. We think you should put whatever you want in your taco, you know? The only thing we fight about is whose turn it is to be the designated driver. Because we ALWAYS need a designated driver even though we all want tasty beverages. Seriously, friends: You gotta be responsible when chilling with Lady Margarita.

How does the Holy Taco Church believe the world was created?

Fuck if we know, we weren’t there. But we’re here now and it’s Taco Tuesday! Or it will be in 1-6 days! We’re going out for the cochinita pibil.

 

 

 

 

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Sermons

  • Fill Your Taco With Love

    Here in the Holy Taco Church we are fond of looking at our lives like a taco. When the teeth of the Tacolord crunch down and he eats you (as he eats everything in the universe), will your taco—that is to say, your life— be delicious? How can you make sure that it is? There’s an easy […]

    May 24, 2014 by: